Rayne, thank you for the warning about the counter dependence. You are 100% right and you sound exactly like my therapist. We've discovered that I blame myself for everything it was the only way that I could accept the abuse. He said it's normal to feel that way. That kids when they have no other option blame themselves and it gives them some type of hope that if they only improve themselves in some way somehow it'll stop the abuse. We've been working on it it's very hard for me. I blame myself for everything always. Luckily my therapist is always accepting of me no matter what. I really do have the best therapist I am very lucky but I just don't have that dependent or attachment feeling. We talked about that a couple weeks ago too. I don't have any attachment to anything or anybody it was the only way I could survive. My little girl alter does seem to have a little bit of attachment feelings but I don't. I do however have plenty of self-hate and I've punished myself for as long as I can remember. The price I paid was something that was subconscious as well it wasn't something I chose then or continue to choose now. It just is. My therapist says it's woven deeply into the neurons of my brain it will take a very very long time to whittle away at it.

Thank you for your comments it's making me think I wish you the best as well. EMDR has taught me that everything you feel as an adult in some way relates back to childhood it is so hard to mend all of the hurt and pain that resulted from that time.