Our sessions have been pretty interrupted lately, and I can feel myself emotionally withdrawing. He was sick for a couple weeks then I was away for a couple weeks. We had two sessions then he took a couple weeks off. We will have a few weeks of sessions then I'm off for a month.

Our first session back (where we had two before he took two weeks off) was kind of light. I told him about how things were for me going back home for a while. Things went really well. Had a terrific time. If I had a complaint it would be that I didn't go back for longer. Our second session back he started off by launching into this 'I guess it is hard to know what to talk about' speel. Basically consisted in 'it would be so much easier to just keep things light and superficial and not do any real work'. That pissed me off a little, but I wasn't really sure why.

He said (made it sound like he was offering me something AMAZING) that I could send him two emails while he had his two weeks off. I didn't look ecstatic and he seemed a little disappointed in that. He never limited emails before - and I haven't been inundating him with them so I don't really see a need for him to impose limits now. I guess he was making an implicit promise 'and i will respond to two emails'. But I've told him off before about not making promises he can't / won't keep. And basically... We have been here before with respect to emails. He said... 'You don't know if you will email me, do you'. And I just shrugged my shoulders. I don't think he sees how much he burned me with that already.

I have spilled my guts to him via email. Really told him some stuff that was hard. And he either doesn't respond or he responds with something like 'looking forward to seeing you in our next session' and that is all. Not adequate really. Not for the kinds of self disclosures I've made.

I'm pissed off about his saying that stuff about keeping it light and superficial vs doing real work because I don't think that he should be judging what constitutes 'real work' vs 'light and superficial'. I don't think it matters WHAT I talk about. There is stuff everywhere, really. What matters is what we do with it.

What does he want me to do? Cry about how my mother abused me and my father abandoned me? Oh yeah, thats right, he does. Well %#@&#! that. That ain't helping me that is getting me caught in old cycles of ruminating. Why doesn't he trust me and work WITH me and simply value what I do offer him?

So... I'm emotionally withdrawing. 'Cept I got a bit upset last night. Started wanting to email him. 'Cept I won't. Because not emailing him is the only way to make him see that he %#@&#! up royally with respect to emailing me. He really did. And I'm not prepared to go there again because he sucks at emails and I have no reason to expect that he will all of a sudden have figured out how to do that.

Fed up.