GreenEyes, this story is reminding me of my own ex fiance who wouldn't take responsibility for his life and for us. We recently broke up, & I am deciding whether or not to continue romantic ties with him.

But back to you.... I agree with the others here. You could insist that he be home more often to take care of his own cat or else you are going to move out and he will need to find another roommate. I don't see why you have to feel stuck living in a miserable living situation, dealing with the cat and your own worsening depression. Your health should be your number one priority. You could move out and he could afford the apartment if someone replaces you, correct?

I would sit him down and have a strong and firm heart to heart with him. He needs to get his act together, grow up and be more responsible (just like my ex needs to). I would tell him your depression is worsening and that this is miserable for you. His cat is his cat to deal with, it shouldn't be on your shoulders to take care of and deal with. And yes, I think the cat is showing signs of stress and upset. He needs to care more about his own cat's well-being, if he cares at all, and about your well-being. Him not being home is not OK.

I would definitely be questioning a future marriage with this guy and perhaps would reeavaluate. The way things are now, you will be taking care of everything. There are red flags here, as the others have pointed out, and you have legit reasons to be concerned.

Perhaps take your time on this one before taking that step. I would be upfront with him about your concerns when you talk to him. He should not be living off his retirement and needs a full-time job. Couples counseling may also help at this time, as suggested by others. I cannot say whether this is a mid-life crisis, but he is not taking responsibility and needs to.

My heart goes out to you since as I mentioned, I am in a similar boat with my ex. ((((Hugs)))))