Hi, I didn't realise you were only 19, you sound very "mature" in a good way for 19. But when I was 19 I was in a completely different mental space, I never saw a therapist until I was quite a bit older than that.

My parents were very unsupportive. I'm happy for you that you have loving, supportive parents. I wish I had had the sense to really think things through at the age of 18 or 19 and take myself to a therapist but I didn't, sadly. I did work, have friends, all the usual stuff but I was constantly told how selfish and horrible I was

I love the suggestion of making your mum a meal or making her something else.

I wish I had been more demonstrative and loving to my parents.. maybe they could have loved me then. But they didn't ..

I don't go out much these days .. I don't literally have agoraphobia but I have something not dissimilar and I know how painful it is