I have read some about Aspergers since I had been married to a guy for 33 years in a total dysfunctional marriage. After I left, I needed to know what I had been dealing with all those years. Aspergers wasn't even diagnosed in the USA before 1994. In reading it did indicate that autism spectrum can be inherited. I don't know anything about my ex husbands family background. He refused to be diagnosed. The thing is that after I left I ended up seeing how dependent he was on me to take care of things & fix the messes he made when I tried to force him to be an equal part of the marriage. We were both computer design engineers mostly doing military contract work. He was good at his job but anytime he was required to work in a group situation, he ended up having problems & he moved around in jobs a lot. He got angry when he didn't get a promotion to a managerial level but he was incapable of managing people. He had a hard time grasping the concept that you don't get paid for a level of performance you aren't capable of doing.

Honestly from personal experience it might be good to get the diagnosis & maybe work with your therapist on some of the things that are making your marriage dysfunctional. I would hate to see your wife after years together get fed up living in the dysfunction & maybe leave when it maybe could be helped if you actually had the diagnosis.

His life is so messed up now (I left 10 years ago) but he can't get needed help because he doesn't have the diagnosis....he is so financially irresponsible it is very sad actually & there are ways to help but not without the diagnosis to prove help is needed.

I wish you the best for you & your family. It might be good to get a diagnosis for your daughter & they might be able to get it for you at the same time.