It is entirely possible to feel this way and not "feel" depressed. My worse cases of ideation come when I'm in a mixed bipolar state. (Depressed and manic at the same time.) also some meds can actually cause suicidal ideation.

Please get help from a pdoc, therapist, or hotline. It sounds like your parents arre not the ones talk to about this and my heart ❤️ goes out to you. You may need a different med or additional meds. Fight for your right to live and be happy. It's possible and it's worth it.