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Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend
What you say makes sense. I just don't know if I'm ready to be vulnerable. I still have trouble dealing with being hurt and rejected by people. When somebody hurts or rejects me in any way, I get angry and feel like lashing out. Something as simple as seeing a girl that I like with other guys, somebody criticizing me without knowing or understanding me, or somebody not responding to me when I talk to them, are examples of the small stuff that tends to set me off.
It is too overwhelming for me to deal with this on my own right now. I probably shouldn't have made this thread because it might be years before I'm ready to heed some of the advice provided to me here. I can't deal with such strong feelings in the moment when something comes up so I avoid situations that would trigger me, even if it means isolating myself from other people.
I might just have to continue committing to starting my online business and making really good money so that I can use money and power to hide how emotionally fragile and insecure that I am. Doing so seems better than risking being hurt any further by other people or hurting others because I am triggered from something that I shouldn't be triggered from. Doing this seems better than being alone anyways.
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Did you say that you are in therapy? This is something you can work on with a therapist. If it's too overwhelming, then do what you need to do right now to take care of YOU. I understand how you feel about being sensitive to rejection, criticism and hurt. I am similar in that way and am very sensitive as well. This you can also work on with a therapist, to develop a thicker skin around others' painful or hurtful comments or actions. These things we need to let slide over us and not take them inwardly so that we're feeling bad. Words can be like daggers, but only if we allow them to be. People can be hurtful, and sometimes without even intending to be. Have compassion when this happens. They may be hurting too and lashing out. You never know where a person is coming from or what may be going on for them in their own lives. And rejection is hard to take all around, but I try not to take rejection personally. That is also about developing a thicker skin and self-love. You're terrific just as you are, and if some don't see that, so be it. Their loss. I hope you find a sense of peace around this for yourself. Sounds like self care is necessary, so do what you need to do in order to look after yourself. (((((hugs))))))