It does irk me somewhat when I think of that Jeffrey Smith blog about therapy being like "a kid in a candy store" and wanting a fantasy parent to take care of all our needs and so others seem assume it's that way for everyone. I certainly have had those fantasies, but I've been in therapy 5 years (and more prior to this one) and am way past that point. I went through a lot to get there and have realistic expectations despite those strong attachment feelings. My therapist always gave me lots of space to separate transference feelings, and it was a very difficult way to do therapy (eg, frustrating wishes, withholding needs, not giving reassurance, not disclosing any of his feelings about me). That was a difficult psychoanalytic therapy, and I'm realizing now-not the best way to do therapy with someone with my background. It really helped with certain issues that I don't think other therapies would have helped with, but it didn't help my worse core issue--perhaps the most important one. Maybe in 10 years it would have gotten there! This therapy takes loooong.

This thread has been very helpful in coming to this realization. But in the end, I think I'm very hurt and feel betrayed and have to grieve. That is valid. I think this time it has less to do with transference than any other rupture we've ever had--ever. I do still have some the core issue(s), but not all the feelings from therapy have to do with my mother or father. And I am alone outside of the transference, have extra hardships and lack support. So yes, the fantasy stuff is not relatable but helped me work through just like any other words. Thanks for everyone's input.