I'm not really sure how to write this, but I feel a need to reach out. I'm a 30yo woman in the UK with early childhood trauma and a long history of contact with psychiatric services, including a fair bit of therapy in my younger years.

In many ways, my life is improved. I'm able to live independently, I'm in a long-term relationship, and I've managed to avoid inpatient, by and large, for the last 6-7 years. These are things I could never have imagined achieving when I was younger.

I'm still struggling with the effects of the early life trauma, however. I'm often afraid, paranoid and emotionally dysregulated. I feel totally disconnected from society - even when I'm able to socially engage and when the response from others is generally positive.

I can't integrate my trauma - I don't know how. I think they don't want to offer any more therapy because it can be retraumatising for some, destabilising etc, plus I just don't think I have the cognitive, let alone emotional, ability to try and work through it. I totally get that.

I'm just at a loss, really. I'm alive, interspersed with a lot of troublesome, ongoing mental health and trauma issues, but I'm not living. It feels like I've got nowhere to go with this any more, and it bothers me a lot.

I'm not sure what sort of response I'm hoping for, here. I guess I'm hoping that being able to write this out will help a little. If anyone has anything they can offer, that would be great too.