Wow Darkness....sounds a lot like I was. Growing up my dad's behavior very much indicated that he had ASD. he had no idea how to emotionally or socially connect with anyone. My mom was good with that & in her low self-esteem, she didn't connect with anyone either. My parents had no friends.

I always thought something was missing with me when I saw all the other kids around me in school connecting with each other but I had no idea what IT was that was missing. I think I sort of had the capability but having no idea what or how to make it happen & I only connected with one good friend growing up.....so I knew a little about connecting with her.

In college, I was focused on degrees & practicing my flute so really never connected with anyone not even guys I dated because there were none I was really interested in in that way.

Ended up getting married to a guy who go figure, looking back at his behaviors & inability to connect emotionally or socially showed the same ASD characteristics & behaviors as my dad.

In my computer engineering career working with all guys mostly, I felt the need to keep a professional distance so.

With our daughter I thought I just didn't have normal motherly instinct. I was much better connecting with her as she got older because that was logical (oh my, a female Spock)

Fast forward from there to 10 years ago after 54 years of living like that & yes, when someone screwed up & made my life difficult it was war.....I left that whole environment & moved to a small town 2100 miles away. A chance to start my life over after a totally bad marriage for 33 yeArs & 21 years of living on a home I now know well enough to saw was emotionally neglectfull even if it wasn't their fault.

It was a slow start but I made friends that first year & continually have made more. I find that when I do first meet people I keep a distance until I know them. This community is full of loving & caring people who connect with others around them. By doing things with them & feeling their connection it was easy to connect back when I felt safe with them. It was a serious learning curve & I felt like I could trust these people well enough to feel safe connecting & caring back to them the way they cared about me. I actually remember one time here even with my special dog, we were laying on my bed & I remember thinking wow, this is what LOVE & caring really feels like & that same type of feeling connection I started to experience with the people I had become close friends with here. A feeling with people I had never experienced before.

It is definitely possible to develop emotional connection but honestly is the people around you aren't connecting emotionally it's impossible for you to do all the connecting. It is a 2 way street.

I always stopped to help people along the road or help people who needed help without having any emotional connection because I wanted to make sure they were ok & knew I was capable of doing that & I was good at listening to most people, analyzing the situation & offering a solution....that is not emotional connection. I also have more compassion than empathy because I don't feel what they feel but I understand how they are feeling. Had the abilityntonturn it on & off depending on the situation but it was tied mostly to my logical mind.

If its reallybsometiphing you want to develop, I strongly suggest surrounding yourself with truly caring people cause I'm guessing that you have never been around that kind of people if you life has been similar to mine.....once you learn how it's easier to feel that way toward others but I still feel a distance until I start to feel a connection from them but I'm open to feeling it where I never was before. I built walls

About psych meds. I had such horrible reactions to every med I took I realized they would kill me before they ever helped. I quit psych meds years ago. Only reason I was drugged out on Seroquel after a trauma I went through was because I couldn't sleep with all the nightmares. Time has healed.....I quit that med as soon as I moved away & the nightmares quit with the move also.