Hi, Shazerac - I have one at the moment, she's great. But having posted this I already feel bad and I can only imagine how I'd feel talking extensively with a therapist. What happened was wrong, I'm still mad at what happened but I've gradually forgiving the people involved. We're on okay terms, they've done a lot for me. I'm not denying anything as I know denial is seen in some people but it's not like I hate them. I'd just feel so guilty talking about them like that. I know today they mean well but back then it was a completely different matter. We've all accepted the past is the past when it comes to us and I'm okay with that it's just disgusting that they're the reason I'm aroused by my fetish. That's what makes me so angry. I hate it because I love them so much.

Honestly, I wouldn't know where to begin opening up with my therapist. Typing is one thing, talking is extremely difficult when it comes to matters like this one. On top of things, we're working on my sleep deprivation, agoraphobia and depression.

My only concern is that I worry I'll never be able to be intimate with a partner without thinking of them. That's my only issue.