I'm glad you figured it out--that should help you avoid the situation again. I still don't know what it was for sure but I'm not sure if his being sadistic is it though I think he was at times. I think though you had some common issues, I don't think your T worked the same. I think my T did understand how much he affected me--but the way he went about trying to help me with that was really harmful... Good for you for moving on rather than trying to work things out...and ending up like me.

Just recently he told me that he does therapy the same with everyone. I was shocked because when I sought him, he said he specialized in trauma. How can you work the same with someone coming from a horrible background, severe unmet needs with someone who has less impactful issues? Maybe he was trying to get me to a certain point of working through things before he met some basic needs, but the process, whatever this was, was traumatizing.

I also think that if a therapist doesn't meet basic needs of acceptance and show they care, one can be caught in the endless struggles of merely trying to survive the pain of the relationship that mirrors childhood--this prevents you from getting to the next level of development, moving to the next phase towards empowerment. I noticed that people here in good relationships have therapists who are empowering in their actions. Not disempowering like how some of us grew up.

That's the part where I was over trusting. I taught myself a lot and questioned everything, but he seemed competent. I don't believe in purposeful suffering, but I thought these actions had a purpose and that he was being a good T. I worked hard, but he was too hard on me. He broke my spirit, what little I had to start with. I'm in a bad situation as I can't afford to see someone else to undo the damage. But I'm trying so hard to get unstuck, but yeah, he affected me way too much. I think if I left sooner--like you are doing--I wouldn't have these huge open wounds. At the same time, I don't think its healthy to beat myself up for trying to do something positive for myself. He always said I was the problem, never conceded or thought of different ways of working with me or taking any responsibility for how he did therapy. I'm tired of taking all the blame.