Quote:
Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic
Upon looking further into this it can occur post pstd....I honestly wonder if the severity of emotions in ptsd could actually change neural circuitry so that you don't feel emotions, like a protective state? Do you get any emotions from anything now....I wonder if due to neuroplasticity you could enhance those emotions you do feel and eventually regain your emotions?
Have you looked into the science of emotions? I wonder.....
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The "science of emotions" seems like a vague term that I know very little about except from my own experience. I focus, nay, I meditate so hard on music, on art, on my relationships intensely in an attempt to try and feel something. I look for something good to listen to on the radio I put it on and before I know the song is over because I'm not moved by it. Thefore, I have to force myself to listen to the lyrics to follow along or else it's just background noise. It literally is just noise, not pleasant at all, just sounds in a space put together tha have no effect on my heart chords.
SEX even, SEX use to give me a huge euphoric rush that would help me cope with depression and I feel nothing afterwards, only physical pleasure, not mental pleasure. I can't find a way to pry my emotions open unless I want to try and do illegal drugs but I'm to cautious and careful to try anything like that.
I remember when I was on the SSRI I would tell my psychiatrist that my head feels like its bubbling. Other than bouts of anger I felt NOTHING on an SSRI. NOTHING AT ALL. NOTHING! I begged my psychiatrist for my depression back but he just looked at me stupefied because he was wrestling with either panic attacks or anhedonia and anhedonia in his mind isn't as bad. He was a **** psychiatrist. I screamed at him after he didn't listen to me about how much I hated Risperdal and I think in fear he finally gave me options. But I learned to slowly that there are more than just one med out there for each illness. I was just not aware enough and I followed him like a lemming off the cliff.
I don't want to live the life of service. Even the man who only wants honor gains emotions from accepting honor for honorable people. Existentialism isn't prepared to handle people who live without emotions, even the stoic Marcus Arelius found peace in control and balance and married and felt love even though he had a bastard child.
I've looked up treatments for anhedonia and boy--recovery is nonexistent by and large. People say they think they are starting to feel better only to realize that its physical emotions they are experiencing not mental. the depressionforum has a forum just on anhedonia and its filled with almost zero success stories, one of the two success stories involves a drug that isn't approved in the US so there goes that. I've tried dopamine enhancing drugs and they do nothing but give me physical symptoms of alertness and make me not sleep, sometimes even anxiety if I'm not careful.
The PTSD largely disappeared around the time I got on lithium then lamictal, which happened to be the period I exited school, never to come back so no more triggers. I don't think it was the PTSD, I think it was the SSRI which made me feel ABSOLUTELY NOTHING--NOTHING. I had trouble with even phsycial pleasure on ssri's they were so exstensively numbing ruining my sex life 100% while on them.