It never ceases to amaze me how my brain plays tricks on me. I've been stressing out a lot lately trying to decide if I need to up my meds...or be off my meds. Or move to a mud hut in Nepal. Blah blah blah. I've been in total denial.


Then today it hit me like a ton of bricks. MY SISTER DIED on July 5th, less than 2 months ago. I grieved for an "appropriate" amount of time. (According to those around me) and then I put it in a tidy little box and shoved it away. I guess I need to stand my ground and grieve however long I need to grieve and not let other people tell me how long I'm allowed to be sad.


I'm angry with my husband for telling me that I should be ok by now. I guess I'm angry with everyone else who thinks I should be back to "normal." I'm angry because I fell into that old comfortable habit of plastering on a fake smile and pretending to be ok when I'm not.