This is a very telling statement. I know some people would rather get lost than ask for directions ! You , in MHO should be running to the counselors office.
Not wanting to ask for help, wanting to figure out everything yourself just will make life much more difficult.
You also said somewhere something about feeling like you wanted to die.
Now I would guess that most people at some time in their lives felt that way.
But I think putting that feeling, together with everything else making you feel uncomfortable, is something that should be addressed in counseling.
You don't even have to start out that way , just find somebody , who you feel comfortable talking to. Push yourself out there ! Say hi to a stranger. You'd be surprised to find how many people feel like you. And BTW , I'm in my 60's and still don't know what I want to do with my life !
Best of luck to you and keep posting