Sorry to confuse everyone. It is a long story. I do love him (mostly ). We are under a lot of pressure. I made a serious attempt 2 and a half years ago. I am not going to say anymore. I just needed to vent. My life really is a stalemate.....

I appreciate everyone's support though--people at this forum are very caring. I think it is because most of us have dealt with some sort of challenge in our lives. I won't leave this community because I have genuine affection for the people here.