Part of me is emotionally under developed and essentially a child. When I wrote the original post I was filled with intense anger and just wanted him to desperately comfort me. I live on a roller coaster switching between extreme moods. I'm more cooled. I can actually see things more level headed. I verge between either hating him or loving him and find reasons to justify it, with there being no middle ground. Being close to him feels very uncomfortable. I struggle with boundaries, so I get his need to maintain consistency- it doesn't mean that he doesn't care. I will see him tomorrow.

I have time to go over things- none of it is new content so hopefully things will work out. I struggle with anxiety and my panic attacks are back with full vengeance.