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Originally Posted by Quanticia
I am not a pro at human behavior, but the environment you describe sounds rather toxic. Even if they believe you lack at something, proper teachers should help you become better instead of simply making negative comments. Also, if your advisor prefers talking about his hobbies over giving you advice, talking to him about your feelings probably won't change much. But you can still try, I don't see it doing any harm. Have you considered getting a different thesis advisor? Sometimes, it is better to choose someone who is willing to help, even if his/her subject that is less interesting. Especially if not having enough attention hurts your feelings so much. I chose my thesis advisor almost purely about his helpful character, and it was the best decision ever.
Another thought, is it possible that the teachers have given you some kind of advice which you ignored? They don't sound too nice by the way you describe them, but it could be possible you've been wrong in 1-2 things too (only suggesting this as a possibility because I don't know the way you work)
Finally, do keep in mind that the teachers aren't your parents. They may act this way at younger ages, but in university many of them aren't like this. Some are more concerned about their research instead of their students, some take up teaching only because they can't find another job as scientists, some aren't indifferent but simply have zero skills in communicating with their students or helping them. Of course there are also some who are great for the job. Don't get all broken-hearted over it, it's their problem and not yours. Everyone does have their own problems, the trick is to find someone willing to care about yours too, at least in an academic level.
If you are to work with that advisor establishing a program from the beginning sounds like a good idea. It is good to be clear from the very beginning how you will work and how is he going to supervise you.
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I can't get another thesis advisor because the department is small and I'm convinced I don't have a good reputation.
I would be very happy doing this on my own, away from any kind of institution. The toxic environment is why I want to have better communication with my thesis advisor. The toxic environment reminds me of my childhood, and is making me freeze up in my academic pursuits, so if I can communicate with my advisor more, I might be able to see that the environment is not so toxic. I'm just not sure how much I should tell him.
I don't know that I've gotten any advice from my teachers that I ignored. I don't typically ask for help, and people don't typically give me advice because I'm weird and they see something they cannot understand when they look at me. When I try to make myself a bit more approachable, they just look at me like I'm weird.
I don't think I will tell him anything about my childhood or why I am uncomfortable. I don't think I should bring up the past at all. I might just say I would like to work on being comfortable with sharing my work with him, because I value his advice, and so have structured our time together.
Whether he follows my schedule is up to him, but just pretending to work with him will make me feel a lot better, even if never responds. It would be better than what is happening now, which is an exact replica of my relationship with my father.
That being said, I don't expect him to be my parent. I don't expect him to help me. I just don't want to feel scared and unsafe around him, like I'm not allowed to talk to him. I want to be able to talk to him, even if this is not his area of specialty. I think that is reasonable.
Also, being open about my ideas will help me cultivate them, even if he's not directly helping me. It will also help me feel freer, and less like I'm being persecuted. That would help get rid of the bad feelings.