Basically, I have very bad anxiety with sex. It's gotten much worse since there's less opportunity, which means more pressure to perform with the opportunity arises. Even though I get physically aroused, emotionally I'm terrified and full of guilt and shame (although that's more common afterwards). I'm unable to say what I want most of the time so I feel so powerless. If I didn't have some sort of dysfunction, our sex life would be more or less fine.

Otherwise, I seem to have attachment issues. I seem to align very much with the anxious-avoidant style or the supposedly rare and hard to understand one. The traits (I definitely have) are: low confidence/self-esteem, negative view of others, a desire to be connected but too much hesitation to do so most of the time, fear of rejection/abandonment, not being good enough or worthy, wanting to withdraw or avoid relationships constantly because of fear, not being able to trust others (very easily), sometimes feeling more invested in a relationship than the other person, a tendency to be dependent (since I'm too incapable of making my own decisions or doing things on my own), very hesitant to share about myself and feelings, and tend to be passive and avoid conflict by just conceding my needs to others immediately.

Psych professionals in the past have considered avoidant personality disorder maybe with borderline traits. Haven't had that confirmed recently because I don't have insurance right now and I have a hard time trusting another therapist. I don't attach and if they say anything that upsets me at all (even innocuous), I simply won't go back.

Having him move because of work/lack of work has made all my issues worse. Separation anxiety threatens to ruin the time I do get to spend with him. I was actually starting to creep towards a more secure attachment, but this just set me back.