I am so alone in this world. Years ago, being alone never really bothered me. I even had a friend that pointed out how I would disappear for hours or even a few days. But, now I find it to be wholly disheartening and emotionally painful. Maybe in the past I knew that when I ventured into moments of solitude I knew that I could easily jump back in to the social world. However, now I find that I've been absent, in a sense, and now that I want or rather need the comfort of socializing with friends they are gone.

I am envious of sociopaths(is that a misnomer?). It must be a splendid thing to not have a care in the world regarding socializing. If I could, I think that I would excise that part of myself that desires human contact. That part may bring pleasure, but for me it is deep in the shadow of the psychical pain that comes along with its facet that brings awareness to alienation and ostracization.