I truthfully don't know if I'm safe. I'm not in danger this second. But it's night time and soon I'll be alone (long story, but my fiance and I don't sleep in the same room). I think the Ativan is kicking in. I've stopped crying and am getting sleepy.

I really do hope my T gets back to me asap. I made a promise that in a crisis I won't do anything until I speak with her. I always try to keep my promises.

I don't know how I feel about not having my family at the wedding. Part of me is sad and don't want a wedding without them, but the other part of me doesn't want them there. I never really considered my family as support. Now I realize my sense of family is an illusion. I don't have family. It's all a sham. They all left me when I was 18...left me at a homeless shelter. Why would I expect anything different from them. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm the fool.