Also..I can't help but wonder what I could have gained,how different my entire life could have been had I not been abused.

To me,going through trauma isn't the same as going through things that leave a person saying "if I had to do it all over I would do it again because it made me who I am today".

I feel I have lost so much more than I have gained by trauma.Actually,I can't really even think of anything I have 'gained' from it,that word,to me,means something good and positive,yet there's not a single good or positive thing about trauma.Any good or positive for me is not a result of being abused,it's a result of working hard to better myself.