You may have aspergers, but it's not always fruitful to self diagnose. Have you sought out a professional to help you determine this?

Many of the things you are experiencing are just part of the human condition. we struggle we feel confused. We're not sure what direction to head in.

I am a writer and artist and I struggle with it. Creativity doesn't just fall out of the sky. We have to show up and do the work even if we don't creative at the moment. Writing a novel is a marathon not a sprint. If you are good at short stories you could try writing a lot of them and weave them into a novel.