Me and my mom are not close. I don't know since when, it was probably since I was still a child. I am the youngest child but unlike the rumors said (saying youngest child is the most spoiled), I am probably the most distant with my mom. It was probably because I grew up not with her by my side and by the time I was old enough, I was fine with not talking to her about anything. We did have some arguments when I was still a child though, I was having tantrums and she said that she regretted not giving me to someone else when I was born. She said if my dad didn't disagree, she would have given me to an aunt of mine who doesn't have a daughter. At that time, I wasn't hurt and I didn't really care since I was still a child and I didn't really understand what she meant. But thinking back, it really does hurt me now. I'm not sure if I love her, I feel like loving her is something I'm obligated to do as a 'child' of her but I don't exactly hate her either. I do think she is a horrible mom though, to me at least. Years ago, I used to be so jealous of my sister because she told my mom about everything, about her friends, about how her day was, about what happened to her and my mom seemed to always be happy to hear what she had to say. So I tried to do that and started telling her stories but she didn't look like she cared nor if she listened at all, so I stopped. Now, we have a lot of communication problems. She said that I'm not normal because I stay in my room too much. I also somehow, get angry easily at her even though I feel guilty afterwards. She does care about me like my health, saying that we should take care of our health until we are old but in the end she always says something about spending so much money if we are sick. I start to think all she thinks about is money, I thought, she is probably worried that I'm sick because she doesn't want to spend so much money on me. So I never ask her to buy me anything unless it's necessary. If my money is enough then I won't ask her for my necessity. Deep down though, I know that she still cares for me but I just can't help but being angry at how selfish she is being. Instead of trying to understand why her daughter acts this way, she keeps saying that I'm the one who is at fault. Now I am emotionally detached to her. I feel weird if I were to talk with her about personal things and I only talk with her if it's necessary. I don't even feel comfortable being alone with her. Is it really me who is just being a rebel?