So, I got on anti-psychotics because the situation was getting kind of messy, and now that my bipolar is clear of it, it's getting hard. I got so used to being on a ultimate high. Just smiling all of the time and just living in my own little island of happiness, but as always not so good things (because we all can agree that mania is not at all good) turn into bad. I haven't fallen into deep depression because my psychosis got really out of hand, and for what seems like months I haven't had one thought of the s words (which I know that if I type out something will click in me, don't want to admit I'm that low) but.. it feels like I even though I am falling deeper and deeper into depression (which I haven't experienced in a while) I still feel the effect of mania there, which is getting annoying because when psychosis was running my life at least I was less aware of myself. Now it feels like everything is just.. failing. Yeah I can just not drink the anti-psychotics, but I know myself, sooner or later I will completely snap, and there is not a psych hospital for youths around here so I need to at least hold till my birthday, which is sad that for my birthday I will probably get myself locked up in a hospital for god knows how long. I am writing now, because I know that one more day I will loose complete desire to write everything out. Is this a mixed episode I am coming into?