I mentioned on PC before I think that the consequences get worse the more we make the same mistake.

My mistake of choice is one that I think many with BPD can understand, but few would be so stupid to commit FOUR times.

Four times 4 different women befriended me on FB when I was minding my own business and I ended up traveling from 3,000 miles to halfway around the world to marry them. This all happened in the last 5 years.

The first time my fiance died of cancer a week after she was diagnosed with it.
We were together a year and we talked about 8 hours a day the whole time.
I never knew what loneliness was until she died.

The last 3 have been horror shows.
I have pretty much decided to leave India the first of next month.
I was promised that my visa would remain legal, but it never happened.

I may face fines and jail time up to 5 years.
Hopefully the American Consular can help me get off with just fines.

I am really stuck this time. It looks like my best bet is to get to England and find an organic farm that gives room and board in exchange for help. There is a world wide program that hooks travelers up with farm hosts called WWOOF.
Anyways, Just over a year ago I was a host with wwoofers on my property in Arizona and before that I wwoofed for 3 months on a Hare Krishna farm in Mississippi near New Orleans. So I am familiar with this.

So I am really stressed. This is a very bad situation. I can not begin to explain how effed up this is. I feel like I am being held hostage. It really gets scary as Hell sometimes. There is something really wrong here and it is not entirely in my head.

Ok...now I am getting freaked out thinking about it.

Thanks and Hugs!