I am sorry for the upheaval and in my experience taking care of a terminally ill spouse, it was really, really, really hard. I mean, so hard in every way watching someone go downhill, the physical and emotional work necessary to show up for the person. It sounds like you have a good plan for adapting to this change you didn't know you'd have.

On the T issue, I would not assume that a T of any modality is incapable of supporting you in the way that you need. It seems to me that if you go and articulate what you need and ask if she can provide it, it might turn out to work.