He did his own intensive therapy, he is male and experienced. Psychoanalytically oriented. I feel unsafe in attachment relationships, particularly with females, and he is safer than most.

I'm very angry with him now and am very open about my feelings, so even though I complain, I don't think I would have seen anyone else, though in hindsight, I may not have stayed with him as long. I've gone to others and don't feel safe at all. I keep thinking the pros outweigh the cons. He's a bit authoritative but again, he gives me that space. That space is what magnifies your sense of self, providing the material for therapy. It is too hard sometimes because of my self hate. That's one thing I learned about myself. I'm avoidant (among other things), so I crave distance and closeness. Sometimes his distance is too much, but it's safer than closeness. He has helped me grow in a lot of ways, but also has been damaging at other times. Being hurt seems safer than being harmed if he DID allow himself to be emotionally connected, if that makes sense.

He is likable in general, and intelligent. I learned that maybe his distance prevents me from growing or keeps me stuck in childhood states of mind. His emotional unavailability is familiar to me, so perhaps that's one reason I stay. I did learn some other things about why I struggle so much with him and sometimes think I need to move on. In fact, I learned over the weekend how important it is to me to have someone believe in me. That's more the role of a mentor, but it seems to be a quality that helps people grow. For those of us with trauma hx, I think of it this way-if they plant the seed, we do the growing. I am seedless.