Quote:
Originally Posted by Calilady
I found this part interesting (in one of Stopdog's references):
Therapists in a secure state of mind, Wallin suggests, access a wide range of experience in themselves and in the client, and are mindful of feelings, ideas and bodily reactions.
Therapists in a dismissive state will likely tend to focus on thoughts rather than feelings, and avoid developing intimacy with their clients to avoid being rejected or controlled.
Therapists in a preoccupied state may tend to merge or over-identify with their client, have difficulties setting boundaries and avoid conflict to avoid being abandoned.
Therapists in an unresolved state would be more likely to find themselves fluctuating between victim and rescuer roles; they may avoid approaching trauma or push clients to face it prematurely.
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Looks like my ex-t was in preoccupied and unresolved states. Ugh. My ex-t was a hot mess and a half. By the time I realized there was a problem with this woman, which was very early on, I was already attached and I had no intentions to leave her. Cripes, my ex-t told me that we were both attached to each other and that the goal of therapy was to help each other into well-being. I thought it was endearing at the time but see now how incredibly wrong that statement was. So, based on what I went through with my insecurely attached t, number one thing to be aware of are the boundaries. Make sure the boundaries are consistent, healthy, and explained upfront. Make sure that therapy is about you and your needs, not theirs. Excessive, irrelevant self-disclosures, making you feel special by breaking a boundary, encouraging dependency, "love-bombing," or anything that makes you feel like they are using you to fill a need of their own -- I say run like hell. After my experience with my ex-t, I will never get attached to another human being again in my life. So, depending on how you look at that, she either cured my attachment issues or completely destroyed them.
Good luck with your t search.