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Itadakimasu: Thanks for the information on journaling. I admit, it is nice to direct my feelings somewhere other than myself/other people. I suppose putting it down on paper really does help.

I often find that writing my own thoughts down can help me sort them out. The writing process itself seems to require that we take a step back from our emotions so we can examine them and it's this stepping back that takes us out of "the heat of the moment".

Journals can also be valuable records of personal progress. Over time, we may even find ourselves spotting specific patterns and this can help us to identify where we need to focus our efforts.

Journals also serve as the containers of an experience. This can be valuable for an individual who is moving through a crisis of psychosis because their own ego boundaries have often been loosened, cracked, or fragmented -- it can occasionally be difficult to see where you "end" and others "begin". A "container" can help impose a structure upon your experience that can serve as a temporary support until your own ego boundaries have recovered.

Sadly, my family's not changed much.

In some other posts I've spoken of the need to develop a support team and a support toolbox. Most of us probably want our family members to be part of our support team but they may not be capable of providing it. At minimum, most family settings can cover your basic physical needs: food, shelter, clothing. It might not seem like much but whatever you are going through, it would be that much more difficult if you didn't have a home.

However, as an individual in crisis or recovery, you'll have other needs such as the need to feel understood, supported, loved or cared for. Sometimes families can provide this but even the most ideal family setting probably couldn't provide everything you need. This is where friends, peers, physicians and therapists can serve in a valuable role. Having a support team increases the possibility that you'll get more of the things you need so you can recover.

As for your support toolbox, what goes into it varies by person. Music went into my toolbox, as did Silence, Tonglen practice, adequate rest, the most stress-free environment I could manage, and lots and lots of research. In hindsight, I should have included better nutrition and a regular form of exercise. Those would have been helpful for me as well.

Perhaps one of the most important things to go into your toolbox is your vision of recovery. Being able to imagine a time when this is all behind you can help take you forward. A recovery vision gives you the courage to face whatever challenges are on the path between where you are now and where you want to be.

Anyway, just a few ideas to get you thinking of putting together your own support team and your own support toolbox. It sounds as if journalling might be a good one for your toolbox.

Otherwise, I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better Itadakimasu. I hope the new year brings better things your way too.