Well, the counseling center or a therapist had better be able to help me. Imagine, the rest of my life will be like this. Why do I bother?

Advisor sent a response that sent me dovetailing. Taking some time to stop and think. I can't tell if he's saying no? Why can't people just be blunt? Why am I so scared of him anyway? Usually detaching and avoiding works, but in this case it just makes me more scared.

I thought about discussing whether it is actually wise to do a thesis with a counselor or my academic advisor, but so much as a sneeze, my academic advisor thinks I'm suicidal. How can I discuss whether it's wise or not to commit time to doing a thesis, when I have mental health considerations? Right, I can't.

Similarly, counselors don't help. I have to water down the problem for them, and how can I do that when it's a real problem, and I don't know how to deal with it since I'm confused? It took me two posts to get to the real issue on this thread, so that means it will take two sessions with a therapist--enough time for them to get exasperated and drop me. "You don't want to get better.../why are you even here?" I'm not sure I can deal with this.

I have too many commitments, but who cares? I might as well just continue. There's no point either way. My life doesn't mean a thing to me.