I don't know if I have overly high expectations for people, or if I have just been unfortunate in having so many people treat me badly. All I know is that I have repeatedly been disappointed when I expected someone to act in a certain way and they didn't.

I don't feel like what I expect is excessive. I only expect from my family and friends what I am also willing to do for them...things that are kind, fair, and empathetic. But people often fail to do those things, so it must be that I am expecting too much. My husband says most people aren't like me. He says the majority of people in this world don't think about other people's needs or care about other people as much as I do. He says I keep expecting them to act the way I would, and that is why I am always disappointed.

I feel like I have been betrayed by so many people I loved and trusted -- from early childhood until now at 50+ -- that the only way I can keep from continually being hurt or used is to keep everyone at arm's length. I try to be kind, show personal interest, and be helpful...but at the same time, I guard my heart with iron. I reveal very little about my deepest thoughts and feelings, try to avoid emotional attachment, and keep my dealings with people limited to that which is superficial fluff.

It's kind of an empty way to live, and it makes me very sad at at times because I feel very alone. But I haven't found any other way to protect my heart from repeatedly being let down and hurt. People I interact with think they know me, and that we are good friends, but they only know about 15% of of who I am. There are very few people who I've allowed into my inner circle (I can count them on one hand). I treasure those few persons...