I'm so impressed that you were able to reach out to your T when you knew you needed help. That takes courage! Are you sure that your T was hurt/disappointed rather than sad to hear that you're still in so much pain? I only ask because I am astonishingly good at misinterpreting what other people are saying or feeling when I am upset. I really don't think you are hurting people by being you, and I hope that you're able to talk to your T about all this so you can get the help you need to feel better.