I absolutely despise myself. I think my wonderful T could care less about me. Life is life, isn't it? He hates me and wants me gone. HE hates my neediness. As do I. I didn't get to talk about home. I feel so desperate and I despise it. I don't want to feel this way. I'm really a nobody. I really don't matter. I wish I was just dead so I wouldn't have to feel and I wouldn't be a burden to anybody. IF he's trying to get rid of me, why can't he just tell me this and be forward? Now I have to go back to his office next week looking like a chump. I despise myself. He's probably not going to answer my text telling him I'm devastated. I want to destroy myself and never make it back.

I missed two weeks while he was gone, which I get wasn't his fault. I thought I was getting better but I was wrong. I'm just as sick as I ever was. I truly hate myself, being myself sucks. Work is stressful. Home is uber stressful. My issues at the time are stressful. **** THIS.