I think this is a great post. You touched on several things I have thought about from time to time.

This is honestly the biggest question I have about why a man would go through with transitioning. I understand intellectually how trans MTF feel they really are and how they should have been born. I just don't understand...how they weigh pros and cons, so to speak, of transitioning and come to the conclusion that it would be better than how they're living prior to transitioning...and the way women are treated in the world is my top reason for not understanding, with how they are treated once it is known that they transitioned or are presenting as a woman but were born physically male being a close second. I suspect that just not fully knowing what bio/cis-women go through is part of it. Being from several underprivileged identity groups, I can't really understand "choosing" to not have a privilege after you've had it. I really thank you for bringing this up, because it's something that's hard to talk about without offending someone, i.e. I can't talk about it with a trans person.

I have never thought of myself as having gender dysphoria, and I'm definitely not trans, though I have questioned being genderqueer. But I really, really both do and don't relate to your post. I don't relate to it in the sense that I'm a female who is more so on the opposite side of what you're describing. I don't think I have ever liked being a woman. I am not into girly or feminine things. I am very attracted to femininity in other women, physically. But I don't understand why anyone would want the things you want and feel like you feel, in the sense that it's about femininity...I can understand it if you were talking about masculinity. So, it's similar, but flipped. I even look more feminine than masculine, though I could look masculine if I wanted to. But I have very definite feminine features, especially facially.

Being a member of a racial minority group, the thoughts you expressed about male privilege and the negative things about being a woman are thoughts I've had for myself when I've thought about preferring to be a man with regards to race. Basically, becoming a man of my race is what would keep me from pulling the trigger, if I wanted to transition or if I wanted to present as more masculine. If I could become a white man, it'd be different. I don't like to say what race I am on these forums, but basically...men in my race seem to have experiences in society that are opposite extremes, i.e. they seem to either be really liked/accepted and sometimes even idolized or really hated/feared/violently targeted (most men of my race experience both all throughout their lives, at least in the US) whereas the women seem to be treated with a lot more consistency, and that consistency is basically being ignored or spoken poorly of/treated poorly and of little worth, less worth than the average woman even. There can be hatred/violence experienced, but that seems to partially depend on the woman's choices and the hatred/violence mainly comes from within our own race and not society as a whole, ironically. So, it's like choosing the lesser of two bad situations, but, to me, this is one of the rare times being a woman is a little bit better overall...though it'd be nice to be liked/accepted sometimes on the kind of widescale basis the men of my race experience, especially when it comes to dating/relationships/marriage.

Anyway, have you ever looked into identifying as and/or living as genderqueer, androgynous or agendered? This other forum I used to participate on seemed to have a lot of users who were agendered and/or refused to identify in a traditional or binary sense, or in a transgender sense. I also read your post and thought that you might want to look into getting on hormones, which might help with becoming more physically feminine.