My list of SSRIs I tried is probably smaller than yours, but I did have lackluster results with my first try. Like you, I don't think I was patient enough, and I think I might have been resistant to getting better as well.

My second attempt, with a different med (started this summer) has been better, and I do think part of that is because I have been more dedicated to working with it and working with the therapy, instead of working against it in various ways.

I hope you'll keep updating as you work through this. I totally get that it's scary. I hate that feeling that "if this doesn't work, I guess that's the end of it, and I'm incurable." Ugh.