Why isn't it though?

Turning my anger inward has always helped me cope. Anytime that I feel sad, overwhelmed, or depressed, I have always done this.

An example would be a music playlist that I have for when I feel sadness or helplessness come in or when life has me so overwhelmed. The music is heavy violent music like death metal or heavy aggrotech that enhances my aggression. Also, the lyrics in many of these songs sound demonic, both in how they sound and what they talk about. I won't go into detail as to what they say so I don't trigger people, but I listen to music like this while fantasizing about killing people who piss me off and taking over the government or the world with super villain abilities like black magic, mental domination, or necromancy. When I do this to cope, I always feel better.

Maybe I'm just a bad person for enjoying feeling anger and malice? At least I enjoy it more than being sad and crying like a helpless little baby.

I promise that I'm not trying to argue with you or anything; I'm just trying to figure things out.