MC yesterday. Including this beginning part because it's kinda funny. Sat down, and I commented on how the chairs across from us were different. He said he'd brought them from home, how the other ones had gotten sort of worn down and beat up. I said they made it feel more like home because of it, since our couches are a bit of a mess because of a 6-year-old who likes to eat Jimmies on the couch. Then I was like, "Whoa, I normally use the term 'sprinkles' instead of 'Jimmies,' not sure where that came from." Said I thought it was regional thing, MC said he knew both terms, I asked H, and H was like, "I'm just 'sprinkles.'" To which MC said to H, "So is it OK if I just call you 'Sprinkles' from now on?" Which made us all laugh, and H was like, "Uh, no."

Side note: I felt a little odd about it when MC said he'd brought the chairs from home, something about "not needing them anymore." I guess they just felt personal, like his kids and wife had probably sat in them at some point. They also looked like something a woman would have picked out (or at least not MC, since they didn't match the dark brown and tan color scheme of his office).

Anyway, went on to do brief recap of how our vacation went (I mentioned how I'd managed not to contact either MC or T). MC joked about something that happened on our beach trip a few years ago, which was a bit embarrassing...

Then we switched to the main topic, which was the conflicts H and I had experienced around getting a dog (much of which I've described on the Couch). In session, H seemed to downplay everything, even when he was yelling at me, and act like it was all no big deal, how he'd already decided we were getting a dog, that he was just trying to point out what we needed to do to prepare for it, like make the house cleaner, find places for its food bowl, bed, toys, etc. I expressed how I felt at times like he was treating me like a child who didn't know what was involved in getting a dog. Or that it was like I had to prove myself to get one, to prove that I was "good enough."

MC unsurprisingly acted like it was basically H trying to state some things out loud that we needed to keep in mind about a dog, and that I was just interpreting them in a negative way. I mean, he didn't put it that bluntly, but that was basically what he said. Since H and I had basically resolved things about it in the past few days, I didn't feel like trying to make my point more about how it felt like H was acting.

We talked more about what considerations were involved in looking for a dog, like size, age, breed, etc. What H and I were looking for. I knew MC had a lab, from the last time we'd talked dogs, but this time he shared how they'd ended up with one. He said that his wife had wanted a lab, but he wanted a boxer, since he'd grown up with them. They let their then-6-year-old daughter choose, and she read something about how boxers are patient with kids. The daughter was like, "Well, I'm not patient, so we can't get a boxer!" (6-year-old logic!) So they ended up with the lab, which he said was OK. He hasn't told many stories involving his wife since she passed away late last year, so I felt a little sad hearing it, though the stuff with his daughter was quite endearing, too (and see: paternal transference. Also, our daughter is 6 now).

I mentioned how I was worried about the rescue orgs that do a home visit, fearing we'd fail it. Especially since some orgs seem to want the exact perfect placement for the dogs. I said I also worried, because, if my house isn't fit for a dog, then how is it OK for a child?

MC said that just because we fail it, that doesn't mean we're bad people. Then he shared that they had actually failed the first inspection for their son's adoption. Because he had some stuff crammed in the top of a closet, and there's supposed to be a certain amount of space below the ceiling for fire regulations (which is not something I knew!) It was on the first floor they checked, and the evaluator said they likely had other violations, too. He said that failing it didn't make him a bad person--that maybe he's a bad person for other reasons, but not for that. They did pass the second time, incidentally. I was like, "So it all worked out for you then" to which he said, "Well, it's still a work in progress!" (I guess because his son is a teen now?)

I said in there how worrying about the dog inspection also led to sort of spiraling worries about CPS (child protective services)--I turned to H and was like, "Yeah, I didn't mention this part of my worries to you the other night because I know I was snowballing." I said how D hated having her hair combed/brushed, so we often didn't do it, and I'd read that was a red flag for people to report to CPS. Or how sometimes she only wanted to wear a certain shirt, and it had a stain, and I was afraid that would set up flags, too (I'd also mentioned this on the couch). H was like, "I think if she's just wearing clothes, that's sufficient!"

MC said that T, as a social worker, and he, too, are mandated reporters, and if they ever had any possible sense of something bad going on at our house, they'd have said something. But they didn't sense that at all. I was like, "Yeah, and we're really involved in communicating with the teachers and stuff, so I think they can tell we care." It still helped to hear him give me that reassurance.

Said we had to wrap up soon (we were at time), and MC tried to give a summary of the session. And how it had seemed like H was just trying to express stuff with good intentions that I misinterpreted, but then we were laughing and joking together, which was good. I said to MC, "So kind of like how last session was, where you had good intentions in what you were saying to me but I misunderstood and interpreted it wrong?" I teared up for a second and apologized for it, because I was trying to not make it a thing again. MC said, "Kind of" or something like that. He started checking his schedule on the computer to confirm our appointment Monday, and I was like, "I know you'd said we could have talked about the reassurance thing today (from an e-mail I'd sent), but I figured this was more pressing." He replied, "We can talk about that whenever you like." Which was good to hear.

Confirmed appointment for Monday. Shook hands, we were making jokes about dogs and furniture, and MC was laughing hysterically as he walked us out. He said take care, and I said "You, too" with a little wave, then we left.

I teared up slightly in the car but was mostly OK. Felt pretty connected to him, which, in terms of transference and attachment, may not be such a good thing... But at least I wasn't a weepy mess like 2 weeks ago at last session... (which I never really wrote up on here).