Im finding it difficult to "let things go". Little things, too. I can let tons of big things go, but man, you throw a little thing at me and BOOM im a time bomb. For example, a few people who are not in my life anymore, have made comments about me and towards me. I really don't take kindly to passive aggressiveness and this is exaclty what they did. Said things about me while they knew that I was there and knew what they were saying just to egg me on. So when I defend myself, I come across as the b****. how does that happen? Somehow I defend myself and it comes across and rude and offensive. But the people who say little snide remarks to %#@&#! me off in the first place are angels?

I guess what really makes me mad is that when someone says something like this to me I really sit down and examine myself for days at a time. I go over everything that comes out of my mouth and ask everyone their honest to god opinions about me. And when I was done I figured out that I really like who I turned out to be (for the most part) and if I use sarcasm as a coping mechanism then thats part of who I am. And I went to these people and said that I decided that im not going to change for them and that they should sit down and look at what theyre doing to other people. They antagonize and egg people on who are outside of their little clique. But then because they didn't "blow up" they don't feel that theyre doing anything wrong.

So I just want to be able to let things go. I want to be able to, everytime someone says something about me, think "they don't really know me outside this little space, so theyre assumptions about me are based on just a few conversations. they don't know who i really am, and the people who do really like me" but I just snap and forget all that stuff. I know it shouldn't bother me but i really just feel obliged to show these people how totally backwards they are. I want them to see that theyre doing exactly what theyre accusing people of. I want them to see how ignorant theyre being and how much they hurt other people. I want them to sit down and really look at themselves the way I did and honestly look and see if they like who they are. So it irritates me to know end when people walk around with this air about them like their **** doesn't stink when really theyre worse than everyone else.

Make any sense? I know I was probably all over the place. Im just kind of irritated. Sorry for the rambling.