I have posted before about my negative feelings toward my sister but I am feeling sort of helpless and lost again in light of recent events.

I am 23, and my sister is 20. I have always been extremely competitive with her, and have been jealous of her and our relationship is continuously sort of strained or distant because of it. Growing up, I was always the "smart one" and she was always the "pretty and social one". Our parents reinforced these roles for us and I went to college and focused on school and she went to tech school but had a dream to only find a rich man and to not have to continue school. I always felt like I would be more successful or responsible in a career than her, and honestly (it sounds horrible) but I always considered her to be kind of ditzy and of less than average intelligence based on her struggles with school growing up and her lack of interest in it.

I have been having a ton of negative feelings since she decided she wanted to drop tech school and go to a 4 year university to pursue a career very similar to mine. When she first told me her plans, I instantly felt threatened and felt like there was no way she would be able to do it. Now, I am pursuing my masters degree and she just started her bachelor's degree this week and when she talked to me on the phone about how her classes were going well, I felt kind of annoyed or jealous, and I got this horrible feeling like I secretly wish school would not end up working out for her. It's so bad, but I feel like I kind of LIKED that she had less ambitious goals for her life previously.

I haven't talked to her since, because I don't know how to deal with these feelings and I don't understand them. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I know I'm being ridiculous and that my feelings are WRONG but I can't stop them or stop the negativity from affecting my conversations with her. All I know is that it seems like I was more comfortable before in thinking I was the "smart one" who would have a better career and better education. Now that she is doing almost the same thing, I feel almost jealous or threatened or something, because I always assumed she would never pursue a career and be a stay at home mom or something (note: there is nothing wrong with that, just something I prided myself on being different than her in due to my competitive nature with her). So now I find myself wishing she would fail at school or something, all due to this desire I feel to be "better" than her at this and I also find myself just being so doubtful that she will make it through school.... It is just so hard for me to cheer her on and be happy for her because I guess my education and future career is the one thing that made me feel special compared to her, and her success feels threatening to me.

What is wrong with me and how can I stop it!???