Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me
Ever consider that he has a true inability to have authentic emotionally intimate relationships? Toying with you is about power and control? How was his relationship with his mom?
In a odd way, you've described a familiar type of character. Not on a personal level, but in a nothing seems to amaze me how different individuals in different regions can have experience with similar personality types.
Just the other night a friend of mine had clicked something on my page. I went to her page, saw 2 familiar male faces. One being very platonic of the past but his picture showed his daughter and my son had gone to the same school. Yet, our paths hadn't quite crossed. The other was my ex. The more things change, they remain the same. When he posts(yes I peeked in), still the same 3 dozen or so responses. Mainly women. His mom sent him to his dad's at a young age while his siblings stayed. Totally wounded. Then I peeked at the other guy. We all went to school together. Yet these two are not fb friends. Hmm? I'm tossing this in here because on some deeper level, I feel it shows the variation of filling voids and being whole.
Sorry to read of such a sucky experience.  |
Every time I attempted to stand up for myself with him, he would twist my words to make me sound less intelligent and less reasonable than him. Nothing I did worked with him, to get my opinions heard or respected or listened to.
If I disagreed with him, called him out on his emotional abuse, he deflected and played the victim-blame game with me, acting as if I was mistreating him or being mean to him, when I was really just asserting myself, disagreeing with him, or asking him to respect my feelings. He never really respected my opinions, in hindsight. The last time we met for dinner, he had his cellphone out on the restaurant table the entire time, and kept excusing himself to go use the men's room. I had no idea why he'd even invited me out for dinner because it was a truly awkward experience.
He was very charming, very articulate, and we had the same interests which is why we briefly dated 20 years ago. His father was physically abusive to him and his sister, and their mother who never protected him or his sister. Then, his father died and his relationship with his mother morphed into him emotionally abusing her but not emotionally abusing his sister.
When I did look through his Facebook profile, he had blocked me from his wall as far back as 2014 which is when we reconnected. So, for the past 3 years, if he'd been updating his Facebook statuses, I never saw them b/c while i was his Facebook friend, I couldn't read his updated Facebook statuses, just what his Facebook friends posted because they had tagged him. So, that itself is a red flag. I think. I never pined for him romantically. I just wanted to be his friend. Now, though, I question WHY I needed or wanted his approval so much, when deep down he didn't give a damn about me either way. When I asked him what I meant to him 20 years ago, he couldn't give me an answer.
This whole experience has me questioning quite a few past friendships, so I guess that is the silver lining. I remember this gal from a group I belonged to. SHe invited me to her roommate's house party and when I got there, she totally avoided and ignored my attempts to talk to her the entire time I was there. Who does that? I consider that to be a form of emotional abuse. You know?
Or the friend I constantly did favors for, with no reciprocation from her...at all. When she did couples therapy, I babysat their child multiple times. What did she do to repay me? She broke up with her fiance, stole my boyfriend, and "poached" (stole) 3 friends away from me (including my roommate).
Or the friend who was depressed and at a life crossroads b/c she'd just been fired. I invited her out to socialize with myself and a small group of friends to cheer her up. When we were all out at dinner, one of my guy friend's friend asked me if he could give her a ride home. Fast forward years later and I never heard from her after that night. I wasn't even invited to her wedding and she didn't even acknowledge that I was the one who introduced her to her current husband. I don't even exist to her anymore, and our mutual friends keep up with her and her husband, but totally shun me socially (for years now).
I'm just fed up with letting people emotionally abuse my good nature. Maybe they don't emotionally abuse others, but just me? That's how I feel anyway.