I did a lot of drugs in my teens and one of my first reactions to weird feelings and impulses was that I caused it from drug abuse and I tried to hide it like I would using drugs. But I had clarity for some time after I stopped using. There is also some family history. Even if I were right and my drug use contributed, feeling guilt or shame should not preclude me from seeking help and moving past it. IMO, the most important thing is doing what you can to recover. Getting rid of the emotional baggage will help with that.