Post is super long actual question is the last paragraph thanks!

Hello! I have been reading a lot here but have just signed up to be able to post myself. I have a question that I can't ask anyone in my life so I'm hoping you guys can help me!

Quick history I am currently undiagnosed(well my psychiatrist didn't want to diagnose me before and my last appointment I decided I dont want to be diagnosed). Had long depressions since late teens and periods in between where I would take on more than I could handle then crash again and quit everything. Other than a suicide attempt at 17 I never really tried to get help for this I would just go to the Dr and say I was tired and they would do blood tests and tell me I was fine. I didn't have many of the symptoms of hypomania so we never really talked about that again. My dad and grandfather were also bipolar 2.

In January I was finally honest about my depression to a family Dr and they put me on citalopram. 6 weeks later I was admitted to a psych ward for a week to come off of it when I told them the thoughts I was having(about hurting people) and I was self harming. Was then under a psychiatrist instead of family Dr. He put me on mirtazapine which lead to daily mood swings and I started drinking heavily to deal with it. Quit sleeping and was very suicidal so they gave me quetiapine. I hated it, I was way too tired so I went off and started drinking even more. Ended up a second time in the drunk tank because I would black out and get extremely suicidal and smash things and finally agreed to go to a voluntary ward for 2 weeks. I got off the alcohol and mirtazapine there and they put me on bupropion and zopiclone. I no longer take the zopiclone but did for the first month or so.

I love bupropion! I am so happy but I am afraid to lose it again. There may be some symptoms of hypomania but I kept those to myself at my last psych appt because I really don't want the threatened mood stabilizers, also why I don't want a diagnosis. (Little sleep with lots of energy, some pressured speech(husband gets annoyed), super high sex drive, very increased confidence, no fear, some impulsiveness(nothing major though)) I slept 3hrs a night for the last almost 3 weeks without any problem, I feel better than ever, but I'm starting to feel tired(my eyes and brain want to shut down but my body and mind are still busy). I try to fight it but last night I slept 8hrs. I am scared that if this keeps up I will go right back to being depressed! I don't think I know what normal is or if its even possible. Does the crash happen fast every time, like would I feel depressed already if that's what is happening? Or do you think I'm just happy and sleeping won't ruin it for me?