Yup, so here came the "She needs to move up here and live with us" talk last night! Every time SD has an issue with something down there and confides in H, H's first response is "You need to move away from there and come up here". He says to me as we are going to dinner last night "I really think SD needs to get away from her mom and live up here. She can work at a Starbucks here just as well as down there and go to the community college here if she wants. She needs to get away from all the boys there and I think her mom is pulling her in all directions and that is stressing SD out". Well maybe her mom is saying she needs to go to school and figure out what she wants rather than you who is telling her she needs to go to Europe to "find herself" or just take some time off and chill and travel. And you don't think she'd have boy issues up here?? He is so concerned with her pot smoking and says she is so involved in the pot culture and it's too much for her. So coming up here to be around you who smokes pot and drinks too much is definitely going to help her?? Give her direction?? Oh and you also plan on showing her your values of not going to work for days at a time when someone at work pisses you off? What exactly is he hoping she'll gain by moving up here and doing the same thing she's doing down there?

And there's just no telling him how I feel. When I start to tell him I'm not on board with her coming he cuts me off and says "Do you want her to be miserable down there? She's my daughter and I'm always here for her and she's welcome whenever." And even if I say "I don't want her drinking or smoking up here he'll tell me he'll make sure that doesn't happen but the first night here she'll be doing both. If I say she needs to get a job right away he'll say "Oh definitely" but then after a week or so and I say "Is she looking for a job?" he'll say "She just got here. Let her chill out for a month before she does anything". If I say "I want to set a limit for how long she'll be here" and he'll say "Well yeah, I'm thinking a year until she can find a place of her own" I guarantee you she'll be here 5 years. He'll just say whatever to get me on board and won't follow through with any of it. He doesn't enforce anything because he wants her to be happy.

This is probably the 4th time he's told me that she needs to move here. The first one being 5 years ago when she wanted to, and it seemed it was going to happen, but then her mom intervened. There are two other times I can think of in the past few years where he's told me the same thing when she complains to him about something going on down there, but nothing ever happened because I don't think he ever pursued it. I don't know why he thinks that's the only solution for her. What is she going to do up here that is SOOOO different from down there? She has no friends here. She'll be doing the same dead end barista job she does down there, just a new location. She's just not a happy go lucky person. She has so much angst and anxiety and coming here isn't going to change any of that. But nothing I say to him will change his mind about her moving up here.