That was sad to read.I hope you're in therapy to get help with this,and if not,I hope you do very soon.

It doesn't sound to me like this is really about your SD and is more about your very dysfunctional marriage.This issue with your SD just sounds like it's one of many,many similar situations where you're left feeling like you have no voice,no choices ,are invalidated,ignored,used and abused.And as each incident piles up on top of another you feel so low and so insignificant and you're full of anger,hatred and bitterness and instead of focusing on yourself and what you can do to change yourself,change the way your life is you're obsessed with what your husband does wrong,hoping he will change instead of helping yourself.

I've been in your shoes.It's easy to get caught up in it,easy to obsess on what they are or aren't doing,criticising them,telling anyone who will listen all about how horrible they are,complaing endlessly about how they have wronged you,holding onto grudges,keeping track of every time they hurt you,constantly being upset,constantly looking for what they will do next,even as you did here,planning what will happen,even conversations you will have,knowing how it's going to go,even planning your seething anger over it.

It sucks to live that way,to feel that way.And the only way out of it,the only way for things to ever change is to just stop,change the focus to yourself,work on yourself and what you CAN change and go on whatever path it leads you and not worry about which way it will go.You can only control yourself,you can only change yourself.Only you can make a difference in your own life.