Do you have something you could break? I was feeling angry and completely unsettled by something in my life last weekend. I found some porcelain thing in my house and went outside and smashed it. It felt really good.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds really painful. If it helps, I've also wished, many times, that the person who caused my pain and grief would have killed me. Everything does feel hopeless. I hope you can get through this. Through is the only way.