Yeah, I'm with "freewill" in that, I experienced life threatening trauma as a child..... so I truly don't know life without it. At six being repeatedly held against my will and someone forcing themself on me
and then eight years old with a gun in my back and being asked if I've wondered what it's like to die..... and several other traumas throughout my childhood and young adult years, I've not been alive much without hypervigilence.

I do commend you in your desire to overcome your struggle-- I think that's very admirable and I wish you the VERY best!

I might not be of much help but if there's anything I can do to aid you in your quest, you can PM me anytime. I have been trying real hard to overcome some of my "seemingly automatic" reactions to certain things with some tiny successes.

mandy