Perhaps you "numbed out", otherwise known as dissociation?

But, if that's correct, I'd be very careful looking into that Pandora's box. If you have to, you have to. But there are dangers within and, based on my long experience, it may be hard to impossible to find a therapist who can help and not make things worse. Maybe they will develop some better therapies in a few years, maybe there are some out there already, but not yet widely available.