I am sorry that you experienced that, but I have to disagree with you that having lower expectations with people means that they perceive you to be a better friend. And, I have no desire to "control" my friends.

But I do reserve the right to set limits with them, so that they know where I'm coming from. Why do you think its wrong to set limits with people?

When you are explicit with your expectations -- esp. with friends -- then they know right off the bat what your boundaries are, what you will and won't put up with from them. I believe that healthy friendships are built from having healthy expectations.
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I read an article that talked about the benefits of setting limits with people. First, it makes you more self aware, because you recognize your needs and feelings as your own, and not tied to another person or to your home or work or school environment. Then, that if you don't set limits with other people, they will set limits for you (by taking advantage of you or just ignore your emotional needs). If you don't set limits with people, they will violate your boundaries and be disrespectful to you. Plus, setting limits helps you prioritize your own well-being. You protect yourself from boundary invaders by setting limits with people who you know will mistreat you if you don't let them know what you are willing to put up with or not.

I don't see it as "controlling" to establish limits with people, about what I will and won't tolerate from them, because they will do the same to me. Everyone is that way. If you express your own needs to another person, you're being transparent. So, you're being a good communicator. I would rather communicate than "mind-read" or anticipate that my friends will intuitively know, respect, and understand my limits. Been there, done that. It doesn't work! Saying "no" to advantage-takers has been a liberating experience for me. I don't owe anyone anything, and I will not tolerate being "controlled" by others through their intimidation, threats, or cajoling.

If i have to be friendless right now, that's fine. But I'd rather be friendless than hanging on to people who don't know my boundaries so they either take advantage of me or completely neglect my friendship and then act indignant when I tell them that they disappointed me. W