I don't know if this is the proper forum to post this. A little history, I have a coworker that I was close with. I'd go to her BBQ,got along great with her boyfriend and made some friends. We looked after each other at work, such as with ot and if anybody was talking drama. About five years ago, for my birthday I was plant to go celebrate. She said sure I'll be there. When the time came she said she was going to another's friend's birthday celebration and wouldn't make mine. I got angry at her. We didn't talk at all after that. A month later my mom had an accident, and I had to go take her to the hospital. I called out and this coworker planned to leave early that day, and now she couldn't. The next work day she kept ridiculing me for "screwing" her over. I finally yelled I'm sorry I had to take my mom to the hospital. She didn't say a word after that.

Fast forward another month and I was in the process of getting my dream job. I was a shoe in. I had a high score placed second and had an in. They had to do a background investigation. Now this was the final straw that broke me. In the meantime she had some disagreement with our supervisor and filed a sexual harassment complaint. I was questioned because she mentioned he would make fun of my nationality, which he did, but he was busting my balls and I'd bust his.
While they were investigating this, they found out I gave massages to all the girls at work. This was innocent and platonic. Anyway I was listed as a principle in the investigation. Now remember that background check, well they got word of this and disqualified me from the job.

That broke me. I found out what anxiety was and depression. Actually rock bottom depression. I was depressed for over a year. I started isolating myself and not caring. New Year's Eve 2013 going into 2014. I was alone, defeated, hopeless, failed etc. I tried to kill myself by od. I stopped when my niece and best friend called.

Ever since then I hated her. I was angry and resented her presence. Anytime we worms together their was super tension.
Fast forward to present. I'm in iop as I was getting worse with depression. One class I took talked about resentment and I learned I have to let this go. But how could I? She has no shame about what she did, she broke my future and anytime we work together I'm left out of any activities my coworkers plan. I've learned that I have to let this go but how? With this I want her to know how she f up my life and the pain I've felt ever since. Also how I became a shut in cause of those actions, lost pleasure in my hobbies and all I do is stay in bed (that was actually main reason my t and pdoc suggested iop).

Again how do I let this go? I know their is no way we will be friends again, or do I want to be, but I have to be diplomatic about her actions, even though I want to yell at her. How do i forgive even if I don't talk to her. How do I beat this resentment, which probably contributes to my pain?

Thanks for reading this.